It’s late afternoon in a quiet residential street in Cologne. The sun dips low, casting a warm amber glow over rows of tidy apartment buildings. A man carrying a shopping bag steps into the stairwell of his building. He’s met by a neighbour coming down the stairs with a toddler. Without missing a beat, they exchange a brief but cheerful “Hallo.” No small talk, no long pause—just a tiny acknowledgement of each other’s presence before continuing on their way.
To an outsider, these moments might feel insignificant. To a German, they’re part of the everyday etiquette that keeps social life flowing smoothly. They are the unwritten rules—guidelines so ingrained that breaking them might not cause a scandal, but will certainly be noticed.
The invisible glue of daily life
These micro-rituals show up everywhere:
- In smaller shops and cafés, you greet when entering and say goodbye when leaving.
- On hiking trails, strangers nod or say “Morgen” or “Hallo” as they pass.
- In apartment buildings, quiet hours are observed like sacred time: no drilling, no vacuuming, no loud music after 10 p.m. on weekdays or during Sundays.
The remarkable thing is that no one is policing these moments. They happen because people agree, collectively, that they make life better.
Shoes off, voices down
Step into a German home and, unless your host says otherwise, remove your shoes. It’s less about keeping floors clean and more about showing respect for private space. If you live in a shared building, pay attention to laundry room schedules, shared garden etiquette, and where bicycles can be stored.
One building in Frankfurt I visited had a printed Hausordnung (house rules) pinned neatly in the entrance hallway. It listed everything from when the garbage bins could be placed outside to where strollers should be parked. Far from feeling restrictive, it created a sense of shared responsibility: Everyone knows the expectations, and no one has to guess.
The small signs of neighbourliness
A neighbour accepts a package for you when you’re at work, leaving a handwritten note on your mailbox. Another helps carry your groceries up the stairs without making a big deal of it. These gestures are part of a social dance—help freely, respect boundaries, and don’t overstep.
And yes, the greetings matter. If you miss one, it’s rarely taken personally, but consistent acknowledgment builds trust over time.
How expats often stumble—and recover
Newcomers sometimes skip greetings, play music too loudly during quiet hours, or assume that if something is fine “back home,” it must be fine here. The good news? Germans tend to be forgiving if they see you’re making an effort. A quick apology and a change in behaviour is often enough to reset things.
Reading the room (and the culture)
Observe first. If you’re in a shop and people greet the room, follow suit. If the building’s noticeboard has rules you don’t understand, ask a neighbour to explain—most will be happy to help.
The parallel set of unspoken protections
Just as there are these unwritten social codes, there’s another category of “common sense” that many residents follow quietly: taking out personal liability insurance. It’s not a legal requirement, but it’s so common that many landlords expect tenants to have it. The logic is simple: in a society where shared spaces and mutual consideration are prized, it’s polite to be prepared if something goes wrong—whether that’s a broken window or an accident involving a neighbour’s belongings.
The reward for learning the rules
Once you start observing and participating in these customs, you’ll find that doors—literal and metaphorical—open more easily. Neighbours nod more often. Small talk becomes warmer. Invitations to join a barbecue in the shared courtyard or a coffee on a balcony appear naturally. Over time, you’ll realise that these unwritten rules aren’t about controlling you—they’re about inviting you in. And when you respond in kind, you’ll discover the kind of low-key, everyday belonging that makes a place feel like home.
